Oh the drama!

Never in my life did I ever imagine I'd be dealing with the aftermath of Dad's death on a social media site with all this drama and craziness.  I guess that's what I get for posting my disappointment about the truck. 

First of all, let me say that I never have, nor will I ever wish the woman who was married to my Dad ill will.  I wish her the best in her life and hope that she finds peace and happiness.  She lost someone in all this too and I'm not going to try to diminish that loss. I will say though, that she does not have children (either bio or adopted) so she does not, she cannot, fully understand the bond my Dad and I have. 

Secondly, I'm not using her name so she can remain anonymous.

Here is the original post "Sure wish we would have been given the opportunity to buy my Dad's truck from the woman he was married to before it was sold to some random person....I would have loved taking Ella to the golf course in it and having that little piece of my Dad still around."  There was nothing specific about his wife, or anything meant to be outright hurtful.

His wife is upset because of how my Dad's Oklahoma retirement check is being spent.  My dad left that check to my mother (who has dementia) and I have power of attorney for her.  When Dad died, mom was in a nursing home and on Medicaid (as a retired teacher she had a limited income) after Dad's sudden death I, as POA, had 2 choices.  1) continue receiving Medicaid for Mom, give the money to his wife and risk the federal government coming back to collect if they found out or 2) use the check to care for my mom. 

I actually went back and forth and tried to find a way to use some of the money each month for my mom and some for his wife, but I just couldn't do it with the limited resources there were.   It was only after I decided to use the money to pay for my mother's care in a memory care unit that his wife really stopped being friendly with me.

When we went to get some personal stuff from his house, she had someone there who watched us.  If you've never gone through your deceased parents belongings, it is heart wrenching and  having a stranger watching you like a hawk makes it doubly hard.

The last I heard, his wife was not ready to sell the truck and would contact me if she had an offer.  That never happened.  I was disappointed.  I was mad.  I did not ever intentionally try to hurt her.  

I was never outright rude, mean or hurtful to his wife.  I would not have done that because I know my Dad cared for her.  I only did the best I could in an impossible situation.  Yes, I put something on facebook about being disappointed about the truck, but I never said anything directly about her or anything outright hurtful. 



Not that I owe anyone this little nugget of info, but I'll put this out there too.  For a while before my Dad died I was working at a courthouse 2 hours (one way) away from home.  Dad & I had talked about him watching Ella so that she wouldn't be so far away.  The week before he died, we had a plan to get a suite at a hotel in Duncan and Dad would stay there with Ella while I worked then the 3 of us would just hang out in the evenings 3 days a week.  Dad cancelled on me.  I was upset and I told him I was upset because he was the only family I had to count on.  He was the only parent I had.  The night before he died we talked and while I was disappointed, I wasn't mad.  I told him I loved him and he told me the same.  There was no hate talk, and for his wife to say that was not only wrong, it was a calculated attempt to inflict pain.  It didn't work.  Okay, maybe it stung a little, but I know the truth and that's enough.

I have 34 years of memories with my Dad.  I will love him and miss him until the day that I die.  

In 2011 I lost the mother I knew to dementia,  4 days after that I had my first child and 6 months after that lost my father to a heart attack.

I am not asking for sympathy.

I am simply telling the story as I see it. 

1 Year Photos!!

Ladies & Gentlemen.....SHE'S ONE!!!! 

 She couldn't figure out why the tutu was attacking her, but it was so cute.

So, we switched her to some shorts....she approved & turned on the charm.

I'm 1!

She loved the balloons!

Our sweet girls.

Our girl loves her "burpie"

 

Wearing Poppa D's hat

Daddy, Mommy & the Birthday Girl

Our Family

(minus the 3 that are impossible to photograph together)

C A K E!!!!!!!

My favorite....

A Sweet Celebration!!!

Despite having to take Ella to the doctor the morning of her party & being diagnosed with and ear infection, we still had a great time at her party!  She was such a trooper.  It's hard to believe she is already 1 but we have been so blessed.  She is happy, healthy, smart & funny....SO FUNNY!!

We wanted a small party, especially since she won't remember it anyway, but we wanted it to be cute and something she would enjoy looking back on.  We used a lot of vintage items from both my Grandmothers and the rest was homemade.  *Luckily we have been blessed with creative friends!*  I wish I would have taken more pictures, but here are some of the decorations.

The desert table with the quilt my grandmother made me as a backdrop

The balloon wreath I made (thanks Pinterest)

Ella's birthday banner

A pillow case that belonged to my Grandmother that Lacy made into a doll!  So cute!

Love cupcakes...

and pink cookies shaped like footballs with popcorn filled waffle cones.

Isn't that ruffle cake ADORABLE!?!?!?!

Party favors!

It's not a party without a pennant! 

Daddy showing Ella how yummy cake is,

She didn't believe him...

She felt so bad, but she was trying!

post-party rockin with Uncle Chip

We were able to celebrate with some wonderful family & friends!  We are so thankful for all those who have been there for us this past year as we've become a family of 3 and we can't wait to see what the future holds.  

365 Days

Who would have ever thought 1 year could go SO FAST! 

Ella's First Year Wrap-up.....

18,408,207 breaths taken

 2,920 diapers changed

3 severe allergic reactions

0 trips to the ER

5 states visited

8 teeth showing

4 Southeastern Savage Storm football games attended

2 Caddo Bruin football games attended *including 1 State Championship game

1 Morris Eagle football game attended

1 Houston Cougar football game attended

9 rescued animals

 2 words spoken ~ "Oh WOW!"

10 solo steps taken at one time

Countless number of hearts won....

It's amazing to think in just 365 days she went from 

this....8lbs 6ozs and 20 inches long

to this....19lbs and 31 inches long

I'M ONE!!!!

We're out of Stickers!!!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY GIRL!!!!!! 

 

St. Patrick's Day 2012 & Happy 2nd Birthday!

We have had a very low key St. Patty's Day.  We did leave the house once, not for a parade....just a trip to Lowe's.  What can we say, we're fancy people.

 St. Patrick's Day means a little more in the Courter family.  It means......

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KENDAL & PIERSON!!!!

Ella was excited to hold the sign, but quickly wanted to see if all the colors were flavored.  Fanny celebrated the twins birthday with a nap.  

The rest of the day was spent playing, eating & watching the NCAA Tourney!!  

Here are a few pictures of the World's Cutest Irish Baby....

 Sheer Excitement

Green shirt....check. Bow...check. Busy Ball Popper....check.  Pants....Um, it's St. Patty's Day, who needs pants!

If you're cute & you know it raise your hand!

We hope that you had a great St. Patty's Day as well and that you're brackets haven't already been busted.

Party Planning meets Mommy Guilt

2 facts:
1) I have a very strong guilt complex, I always have. 
2) I have a baby

These 2 facts combine to create a NASTY case of "Mommy Guilt".  I probably need to throw another fact in there....I have women issues.  I know I'm not alone, lots of us do...you might.  Why do we do this?  Why do we compete with each other instead of embracing each other?  Why do we tend to cut each other down, even if only in our heads, instead of build each other up?  Why are we not Champions for other women?  Why do we not stand in the gap for our fellow women when we all know we're each fighting some kind of battle & could certainly use the reinforcements!  Well, whatever the reason, I don't like it & I'm not playing that crap anymore.  Mostly because it's stupid and exhausting but also because I have a daughter and I don't want her playing that crap either. 

Now, with my guilt complex, my women issues and my mommy guilt, I'm planning a party.  Not just any party.....A 1st BIRTHDAY PARTY.  Oh goodness.  I wanted to throw Ella a wonderful yet tastefully simple party.  No theme.  No gifts.  Easy enough right?  Wrong.  I felt myself having to explain why I wanted this, why this is what I thought was best.   I shouldn't have to justify why I want to throw my daughter a simple, themeless birthday party just like another mom shouldn't have to justify why she wants to throw an over the top (so to speak), all out celebration theme birthday party. But that's exactly what I was doing.....comparing Ella's party to every other party I've seen, or read a blog post about, or a friend was planning.  Seriously? 

I have been stressing about this party for weeks!  Searching pinterest for just the right thing for Ella's party.  The perfect decoration that matches what I have envisioned in my head.  Justifying, to only myself at times, why this was best.  Then I realized why I feel so guilty, why I want everything to be perfect.  When I came to my realization, I sat down and wrote to my daughter.  Several weeks ago I created a blog where I write to her (and her siblings to follow) so if dementia claims my mind, as it did my mother's and her mother's, she knows the stories, she won't have to wonder.  I didn't want to share the blog, but I'll share this post.  Maybe someone else is going through this or something like it or maybe you'll just end up knowing me a little better. 

So I'm trying to quiet the mommy guilt and the women issues.  Trying to be kinder to other women, but mostly trying to be kinder to myself.  I think I'll be a better mommy when I don't feel so guilty about everything.  I think I'll raise a healthier daughter.

In the end, when all the parties are history and the themes are just faint memories, isn't that what we're all trying to do.....raise healthy, happy adults with strong character that will contribute something to this world?

Yes, I think so.