The week that marked a year.

Friday will be one year.  365 days.  How can one year have gone so fast and dragged by so slowly.  How could I have changed so much and so little. 

I heard a quote the other day that touched my heart.  Have you ever had that?  You hear a quote or the lyric to a song and you can feel God reach inside and write the words on your soul.  That happened the other day.  "Don't lay down in your problems."  I don't know the name of the woman who said it, I think she was a guest on the Today Show, but her words were instantly written on my heart.

I laid down in my problems.  No, I grabbed some blankets and a king size bed and I snuggled on up in my problems.  It was easy to do.  Mom has dementia, Dad dropped dead, weeks without work because it's an election year and my chosen profession is an election topic, raising a kid, blah, blah, blah......I just laid down.  To be honest with you, and myself, I didn't just lay their, I also allowed the words of the devil to lay there with me.  You know the thoughts you get in those weak moments...."Why is HER life so easy when mine is so hard?"  "I can't believe he is complaining about that, look at what I'M going through."  I let the enemy in and I laid down in my problems with him.

When I heard that woman utter the words above, it snapped, like a hot rubber band on the back of my neck.  Then the name of a woman I've never met popped into my head, this wasn't the first time I thought of her, but this time God used her to put me in my place.  I don't want to disclose too much because I don't know her, but in the span of a few short months she lost her husband in service to our country, had their baby without him, then lost her mom.  I cried. I asked for forgiveness. I prayed for her.  I was ashamed of myself. Still am. 

In the weeks since that day I have started to notice things.  I felt like Saul, all of the sudden I could see.  I see the pain others are facing instead of focusing on mine.  I focus on my blessings instead of my trials more and more. 

Today I spent all day snuggling with my sweet baby girl.  That is a gift.  I heard her say "mamma".  That is a gift.  I saw her run to me.  That is a gift.  I watched her play in the bathtub.  That is a gift.  I talked to my brother.  That is a gift. My wonderful husband walked through the door safe & sound.  That is a gift.  I had friends and family tell me they are praying for me.  That is a gift.  I could go on like this for a while, but you get the point. 

My Dad has been gone a year this Friday.  I miss him.  I cry.  But I refuse to lay down in my sorrow for one more second.  I have too many blessings waiting for me. 

"When upon life’s billows you are tempest tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly,
And you will keep singing as the days go by.

When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold;
Count your many blessings. Wealth can never buy
Your reward in heaven, nor your home on high.

So, amid the conflict whether great or small,
Do not be disheartened, God is over all;
Count your many blessings, angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done. "

Parenting on PURPOSE

The recent story about the news anchor getting an email referring to her weight kind of pushed me over the edge.  I struggle with judgmental thoughts, and sometimes they get the best of me, but what makes someone think they have the right to say that to another person?

Has bullying in schools become so bad because PARENTS say the same type of things in front of their children, thereby making it okay?  What happened to TEACHING KINDNESS & COMPASSION!?!?!?!  

I wrote the above prior to doing my weekly Bible study.  Once a week I sit with some of the physically prettiest ladies God put on His earth, and do you know what we do?  We study the Bible & use Beth Moore's book "So Long Insecurity" and we are weeding our lives of insecurity because God didn't make us that way.  He did not make us weak and frail, He made us like this..."She is clothed with strength and dignity: she can laugh at the days to come." -Proverbs 31:25  For some reason however, each of us has been beat up by a world that is not our home and now we have the scars of insecurity to prove it.  Lord knows I have struggled with insecurity most, if not all of, my life.  As I was doing my Bible study tonight it kind of all fell together.  Maybe bullying is so bad because we are living in a world that makes us hate ourselves.  What happens when you hate yourself?  It's a heck of a lot easier to lash out at others.  Maybe we pick at or point out in them what we hate in ourselves.  Maybe we judge them on what makes us feel insecure.  Whatever the reason, it's like putting a band-aid on a sucking belly wound. 

I have caught myself more times than I'd like to admit saying something nasty about someone, or thinking something mean, or judging the motives of someone all I guess in an effort to make myself feel better.  I let myself get away with that crap for a long time.  It took having the eyes of a little girl looking straight up at me to teach her the world for me to realize that I needed some serious help. Okay, that's not really true.  I knew I needed help, it took having Ella for me to get help.  I don't think I'm alone....I think there are a whole lot of us that need help.  Our poor kids need help, their parents need help, our teachers need help, our sad & lonely world needs help.

Here is what has helped me morph into a significantly more secure person in week 8 of this 10 week study than I was week 1.  First, even though I came by a lot of my insecurities honestly, they don't define who I am.  God does.  Secondly, He didn't make me to be insecure.  He clothed me with strength and dignity.  Rest assured, He did the same for you.  Lastly, is the one He has been popping me on the head with for several weeks now, and the one I know our children need to understand, He made each of us in HIS image.
If you are still reading this, maybe you felt like me.  Maybe you have moments in the car where you are really nasty to another driver, or you see someone in public and criticize them (in your head, I know we are much to nice and Southern to say that to someone's face), I sure know I do that sometimes.  Now, God has been calling me out to remind myself that that person who I am thinking so lowly of.....THAT person was made in God's image.  That is the message I want to teach my daughter.  The girl at school that the other kids are calling fat....yep, made in His image. The one they call a slut...made in His image. The boy at school who "acts gay".....made in His image.  The lady sitting next to you at the restaurant who is overweight....still in His image.  The old man driving oh so slowly in front of you.....made in His image. 

"No matter how our beliefs may differ, you were created in the image of God and therefore possess a dignity that deserves my respect."  - Beth Moore (& now Beth Courter)

I hope those words touch your heart like they touched mine.  I want to teach my daughter this.  I want her to live this.  I want to live this.  I wonder what our schools and our world would look like if we all tried this for a week, a month, a year.  I know she is looking at me.....I don't have a choice.  I have to parent with a purpose, because she is my purpose.  God is my purpose.