Faith Persevering in Trial

That was the title of my Bible study yesterday morning, "Faith Persevering in Trial."   The passage of scripture to be read was Psalm 40: 1-10.  My heart didn't get past verse 3. 

40 I waited patiently for the Lord;
And He inclined to me,
And heard my cry.
² He also brought me up out of a horrible pit,
Out of the miry clay,
And set my feet upon a rock,
And established my steps.
³ He has put a new song in my mouth—
Praise to our God;
Many will see it and fear,
And will trust in the Lord.

*emphasis is mine*

First my thoughts went to my families' current situation.  Always thinking about myself first.  My eyes locked in on "And establish my steps."  I just thought "yes. YES LORD!  Please establish my steps through this move, this marriage, this life!"  I probably read that line a hundred times if I read it once.  Then I went into mommy-mode and the verse and the power it holds was forgotten in the diapers, the house-selling worry, and the chores.

Today I read my Bible study. It was talking about God being a loving father, who wanted to run to us and wanted us to cry out to him with the desires of our hearts.  So I did.  I told him how I wanted my family under the same roof, I told him how I just wanted to stay home with Ella and my Mom & enjoy this season of our life and not have to work or worry about bills.  Man I was specific, I even told him how he could do it....."just like $200,000 in the lotto Lord".  I'm an idiot sometimes.  But my heart went another direction....it led me back to Psalm 40.

I read it again.  

40 I waited patiently for the Lord;
And He inclined to me,
And heard my cry.
² He also brought me up out of a horrible pit,
Out of the miry clay,
And set my feet upon a rock,
And established my steps.
³ He has put a new song in my mouth—
Praise to our God;
Many will see it and fear,
And will trust in the Lord.

*emphasis is mine*

This time I thought about the 27 families in Connecticut.  (yes I included the shooters family).  I thought of all those broken hearts. I can't think of a better description of what those families might be going through than being stuck in miry clay in a horrible pit.  That really paints a picture doesn't it.  Grief so thick, so suffocating that it's like clay holding you in a HORRIBLE pit.....because a regular pit isn't bad enough.  

I thought how many of us have shed tears and how there has been finger pointing and gnashing of teeth on Facebook.  Gun debates.  Prayer in School debates.  I thought of how I was made fun of, and called "ridiculous" for my belief that chasing God out of our schools with a stick was probably not a smart move.

It made me think of this beloved country too....it sure feels like we are stuck neck deep in some miry clay in a horrible pit too doesn't it?  Christians are being made fun of, mocked for crying out to God, our "leaders" couldn't find the broad side of a barn if their life depended on it and we can't find 10 people who agree on anything from gun control to taxes.  

I tell you this though.  We have hope.  We have HOPE!  We don't have to be stuck anymore.  

40 I waited patiently for the Lord;
And He inclined to me,
And heard my cry.
² He also brought me up out of a horrible pit,
Out of the miry clay,
And set my feet upon a rock,
And established my steps.
³ He has put a new song in my mouth—
Praise to our God;
Many will see it and fear,
And will trust in the Lord.

*emphasis is mine*

He will hear our cries, He will establish our steps, He will put a new song in our mouths and here is the great part.....MANY WILL SEE IT AND FEAR AND WILL TRUST IN THE LORD!!!!  

Now if that doesn't sound amazing I don't know what does.  We can't be silent anymore, we have to sing the new praises God puts in our hearts.  Otherwise nobody will hear it.  Here is how I'm starting.  This humble blog post.  I hope I hear the new song in your heart in the days and weeks to come.  He wants to bring us out of the miry clay in the horrible pit.  He wants to ESTABLISH OUR STEPS.  Lord knows I need that. This country needs that.  Those families in CT need that.   

Praise to our God!

 

Thankfulness

I was having a hard time focusing on work this morning.  I miss my monkey.  Ella has been home with me since Wednesday & I loved every second, I didn't want it to end, but it had to.  Work beckoned & the bank account begged.  I sat at my computer dutifully working while my heart runs around, out of sight at Ms. Lacy's house, then news came that rocked my soul. 

The 10 year old son of the Sports Information Director at Abilene Christian University died.  It was expected, he had battled a brain tumor for 2 years.  Yes, he is no longer in pain, and is now being held in the loving arms of Christ Himself and that is reason to rejoice.  Yet, my heart is broken for his parents.  The ache they will carry with them for the rest of their days is unimaginable to me.  I don't know them and I only know of them because he worked in the Lone Star Conference.  Even so, they haven't left my mind all morning. 

I have been posting on Facebook things I am thankful for this month.  Today I am so thankful that sweet Ella is healthy.  Thankful I can hug her.  Thankful that my workday will end and once again I will be reunited with that smiling face in a matter of hours.  I am also thankful that this family will be reunited. The following is a excerpt from an article (go here to read the full article), written before Rex passed where the parents Lance and Jill talk about having a conversation with Rex....

  “I think the thing we’ve known from the start of this, because Rex was baptized when he was 7, he has a relationship with Jesus Christ. It’s real. For a 9- or 10-year-old little boy, it’s real. He knows what’s going on. So the comforting thing for Jill and I is, even if he passes away, we know where he’ll be. We know he’ll be safe. We know he’ll be. (Jill chimes in “He’ll be in a place where he doesn’t want to come back.”) We told him, you’re not going to miss us. You’re not going to miss mommy and daddy or Ashley or Ryan or your grandparents or your friends, anything, because you’re going to be in a place where you don’t think about us. We told him, because this is our belief, that it’s going to be a matter of a couple of seconds before we’re there with him.”

“And (Rex) says, ‘For y’all, it’ll be like a thousand years,’” Jill added.

I hope you'll join me in praying for this family.  I know I'll be hugging Ella a little more when she gets home, and my heart will be filled with thanks that I can & broken because another family cannot.  

The week that marked a year.

Friday will be one year.  365 days.  How can one year have gone so fast and dragged by so slowly.  How could I have changed so much and so little. 

I heard a quote the other day that touched my heart.  Have you ever had that?  You hear a quote or the lyric to a song and you can feel God reach inside and write the words on your soul.  That happened the other day.  "Don't lay down in your problems."  I don't know the name of the woman who said it, I think she was a guest on the Today Show, but her words were instantly written on my heart.

I laid down in my problems.  No, I grabbed some blankets and a king size bed and I snuggled on up in my problems.  It was easy to do.  Mom has dementia, Dad dropped dead, weeks without work because it's an election year and my chosen profession is an election topic, raising a kid, blah, blah, blah......I just laid down.  To be honest with you, and myself, I didn't just lay their, I also allowed the words of the devil to lay there with me.  You know the thoughts you get in those weak moments...."Why is HER life so easy when mine is so hard?"  "I can't believe he is complaining about that, look at what I'M going through."  I let the enemy in and I laid down in my problems with him.

When I heard that woman utter the words above, it snapped, like a hot rubber band on the back of my neck.  Then the name of a woman I've never met popped into my head, this wasn't the first time I thought of her, but this time God used her to put me in my place.  I don't want to disclose too much because I don't know her, but in the span of a few short months she lost her husband in service to our country, had their baby without him, then lost her mom.  I cried. I asked for forgiveness. I prayed for her.  I was ashamed of myself. Still am. 

In the weeks since that day I have started to notice things.  I felt like Saul, all of the sudden I could see.  I see the pain others are facing instead of focusing on mine.  I focus on my blessings instead of my trials more and more. 

Today I spent all day snuggling with my sweet baby girl.  That is a gift.  I heard her say "mamma".  That is a gift.  I saw her run to me.  That is a gift.  I watched her play in the bathtub.  That is a gift.  I talked to my brother.  That is a gift. My wonderful husband walked through the door safe & sound.  That is a gift.  I had friends and family tell me they are praying for me.  That is a gift.  I could go on like this for a while, but you get the point. 

My Dad has been gone a year this Friday.  I miss him.  I cry.  But I refuse to lay down in my sorrow for one more second.  I have too many blessings waiting for me. 

"When upon life’s billows you are tempest tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly,
And you will keep singing as the days go by.

When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold;
Count your many blessings. Wealth can never buy
Your reward in heaven, nor your home on high.

So, amid the conflict whether great or small,
Do not be disheartened, God is over all;
Count your many blessings, angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done. "

Parenting on PURPOSE

The recent story about the news anchor getting an email referring to her weight kind of pushed me over the edge.  I struggle with judgmental thoughts, and sometimes they get the best of me, but what makes someone think they have the right to say that to another person?

Has bullying in schools become so bad because PARENTS say the same type of things in front of their children, thereby making it okay?  What happened to TEACHING KINDNESS & COMPASSION!?!?!?!  

I wrote the above prior to doing my weekly Bible study.  Once a week I sit with some of the physically prettiest ladies God put on His earth, and do you know what we do?  We study the Bible & use Beth Moore's book "So Long Insecurity" and we are weeding our lives of insecurity because God didn't make us that way.  He did not make us weak and frail, He made us like this..."She is clothed with strength and dignity: she can laugh at the days to come." -Proverbs 31:25  For some reason however, each of us has been beat up by a world that is not our home and now we have the scars of insecurity to prove it.  Lord knows I have struggled with insecurity most, if not all of, my life.  As I was doing my Bible study tonight it kind of all fell together.  Maybe bullying is so bad because we are living in a world that makes us hate ourselves.  What happens when you hate yourself?  It's a heck of a lot easier to lash out at others.  Maybe we pick at or point out in them what we hate in ourselves.  Maybe we judge them on what makes us feel insecure.  Whatever the reason, it's like putting a band-aid on a sucking belly wound. 

I have caught myself more times than I'd like to admit saying something nasty about someone, or thinking something mean, or judging the motives of someone all I guess in an effort to make myself feel better.  I let myself get away with that crap for a long time.  It took having the eyes of a little girl looking straight up at me to teach her the world for me to realize that I needed some serious help. Okay, that's not really true.  I knew I needed help, it took having Ella for me to get help.  I don't think I'm alone....I think there are a whole lot of us that need help.  Our poor kids need help, their parents need help, our teachers need help, our sad & lonely world needs help.

Here is what has helped me morph into a significantly more secure person in week 8 of this 10 week study than I was week 1.  First, even though I came by a lot of my insecurities honestly, they don't define who I am.  God does.  Secondly, He didn't make me to be insecure.  He clothed me with strength and dignity.  Rest assured, He did the same for you.  Lastly, is the one He has been popping me on the head with for several weeks now, and the one I know our children need to understand, He made each of us in HIS image.
If you are still reading this, maybe you felt like me.  Maybe you have moments in the car where you are really nasty to another driver, or you see someone in public and criticize them (in your head, I know we are much to nice and Southern to say that to someone's face), I sure know I do that sometimes.  Now, God has been calling me out to remind myself that that person who I am thinking so lowly of.....THAT person was made in God's image.  That is the message I want to teach my daughter.  The girl at school that the other kids are calling fat....yep, made in His image. The one they call a slut...made in His image. The boy at school who "acts gay".....made in His image.  The lady sitting next to you at the restaurant who is overweight....still in His image.  The old man driving oh so slowly in front of you.....made in His image. 

"No matter how our beliefs may differ, you were created in the image of God and therefore possess a dignity that deserves my respect."  - Beth Moore (& now Beth Courter)

I hope those words touch your heart like they touched mine.  I want to teach my daughter this.  I want her to live this.  I want to live this.  I wonder what our schools and our world would look like if we all tried this for a week, a month, a year.  I know she is looking at me.....I don't have a choice.  I have to parent with a purpose, because she is my purpose.  God is my purpose. 

Being a Mom is AMAZING! Except for the times it sucks.

I love being Ella's mom.  It is all I dreamed being a mom would be and I wouldn't change it FOR A SECOND.  But let's be honest, being a parent is hard.....harder than I imagined.  I think it's hard at every stage; from squishy tiny human stage to "can I borrow your car" stage and beyond. (I can hear you seasoned parents giggling at my epiphany)  Thank Goodness I have God's grace to get through each day, there is NO WAY I could do this whole, raising a human thing without Him.  Lest we forget the awesomeness & the suckyness of the current season of our life, here is a snapshot of our lives these days!

AMAZING PARTS!
*  Ella is fully mobile & loves to climb! (some days this goes in the SUCKY category)
*  Our girl is talking!  Words she says are:  "Mama", "Dada", "NO" (usually "Um, no."), "Oh wow", "Uh Oh", "Kitty", "Drink".  One of the cutest things is when she says "Mama" really loud and then kind of whispers "Dada"
*  Ella loves to help!  Her favorite ways to help are; putting her dirty clothes in the laundry, turning off lights, picking up her toys before bathtime (this is a fight some days but usually she enjoys it), shutting doors and gates, locking the front door and putting clothes in the dryer
*  She is signing the words "please",  "more", "thank you" & "down" .  I have noticed a decrease in her frustration level since she learned these signs. My frustration level has also decreased! :)  She also really enjoys doing the flashcards with mommy.
*  Ella loves to read!  One of the most wonderful parts of the day is when she walks over and grabs a book from the pile and turns around.....she has the biggest smile as she walks back to me, so proud of herself.  It's one of those moments I want to bottle up and keep forever.
* She is VERY MUCH her own person!  She likes things that are not things she has seen Scott or I enjoy...she just genuinely likes them.   Her favorite things are currently: anything pink, SHOES!, big trucks, car commercials, and did I mention she really likes shoes??
* Her favorite TV show is Bubble Guppies, she even does a dance when it comes on, she gets so excited.  She also loves Pajanimals and the movie Finding Nemo.  Yes, I am fully aware that the American Academy of Pediatrics says No TV Until Age 2.  That is awesome & I would LOVE to follow that (she only gets about 20 minutes of TV a day, max) but if I want to get a shower or make dinner, she gets to watch Bubble Guppies.  I've tried calling Pediatricians offices to see if they will come watch her so I can cook or shower, but no one seems to be willing....so alas, she gets some TV.
* Ella's favorite things are Fanny, her stuffed monkey and her burpie.  Every single morning when Ella wakes up, she looks for Fanny.  When people come to the house, she runs to Fanny and shows them her best friend....almost an introduction.  
* Ella loves animals.....ALL animals.
* Our sweet girl has a kind heart & a feisty spirit.  I pray she keeps both. 

SUCKY PARTS
* Fit throwing.  Now, it doesn't happen that often, but when it does, it blows.
* Having to hurt her feelings when I discipline her.  I HATE hurting her feelings but I'm her parent, not her bestie.  My prayer is that if I do the former well enough, the latter will happen on it's own. 
* Not having any free help.  My brother is the only family we have close and he helps us, but he also works A LOT! I can't imagine how much easier it would be if we had grandparents or siblings that lived even an hour or two away!!!  That is not our life though, so we make do!
* Not having the time or money to all the things we want to do with her, and make all the memories we want to.

So, that's our crazy life......and I wouldn't change it for anything.  

Not just for produce & coffee anymore!

Think. Shop. Buy. LOCAL movement has been gaining momentum across the country.  It is in full force here at the Courter house;  our eggs and a lot of our produce come from Achille, OK, our coffee from Hotshots, and we love shopping at Craigheads in Caddo and the shops on Main here in Durant. 

BUT, I challenge you blog friends to take the Think. Shop. Buy. Local idea and apply it to the sports loving side of your brain!  Here in Durant you are lucky to have both a college and several schools who would LOVE to see you support their sports programs.  On any given Friday night, you could watch the pigskin be thrown around under the lights in Caddo (whose Bruins won a STATE TITLE last year), or at Paul Laird Field where the Durant Lions play.  I can guarantee that those programs would appreciate your support!

A lot of people in Durant don't seem to be connected to Southeastern Oklahoma State University.  GET CONNECTED!!  Take advantage of a fantastic opportunity to spend time with your family, entertain your kids for literally pennies and get engaged in your community.  Got kids?  You know how expensive it is to go out and MAKE MEMORIES as a family these days.  Good grief, you need a 2nd mortgage for a weekend in Dallas if you take in 2 sporting events and pay for meals out and a hotel room. 

I'm about to blow your mind......if you have, let's say a family of four, and buy local when it comes to sports by purchasing the SE All Seasons Family Pass ($125), you and your children can attend EVERY HOME GAME for ALL SPORTS for $0.07 per person/per game.  Seriously.  7 CENTS.  Your kids can literally pay their own way to our Home Opener this Saturday by digging through your car for spare change.  One of your kids could get the whole family in by finding some change in the Wal-Mart parking lot!.  Go here for more info.

What's that you say?  You are a die hard OU fan?  Okay, I'm an alumni, I get you.  The first 2 SE home games are OU bye weeks....no conflict there.  The 3rd SE home game is against Southwestern (3pm kickoff) and is generally a pretty big game so fan support is essential, paired with OU vs. Kansas.  Yeah, go ahead and DVR that one.  The final SE home game is versus Harding (2 pm kickoff) and should be a great game.  OU plays in Ames, IA...again, you pay for the DVR, let's use it.  And finally, the last regular season SE game is at ECU and kicks off at 2 pm.  OU plays Baylor at home.  This is a big game for SE. Every. Year!  We NEED you!  Heck, ride with Ella & I! 

So, I think your pickin up what I'm throwin down by now right?  Here's what you get when you Buy Local.

1) you help strengthen your community 
2) you get priceless memories with your kids for 7 CENTS per person/per game (ridiculous cheap)
3) you might meet new friends at a tailgate
4) my undying appreciation.
5) unheard of value for your sporting dollar

So please, this year consider Buying Local for your sports entertainment!!  If you don't live near Durant, check out the options in your area, I know your local D2 or D3 school would love to see you there!!  For more info, check out the "Tickets" link under the "Athletic Dept." tab on gosoutheastern.com or just click here

GO SOUTHEASTERN!!!!! 

Time flies when you're having fun!

I have been so bad with this blog.....SO BAD!  I just can't seem to get motivated to write and when I do have the motivation, Ella is awake, and that's just not going to happen.  What can I say, we've been busy making memories.  Here is my best attempt at catching up!

The summer of 2012 was a busy one with lots of time spent on the road, but it was so great to see so many of our friends and family! Here are some pictures from a great summer!!!! 

Ella had a lot of "Firsts" this summer....

1st trip to a petting zoo!  We met up with some of my cousins and their kids and took Ella to the Deanna Rose Children's Farmstead in Overland Park.  We had so much fun & true to form, Ella LOVED touching all most of the animals.....our little animal lover was NOT a fan of the pig! 

1st Royals Game!  After the petting zoo, we grabbed some lunch and headed to The K for Ella's first Royals game.  Scott was SO EXCITED to take his baby girl to watch his beloved Royals!  Ella's Godparents joined us and brought Lilly, my cousin Tim's oldest.  We had a wonderful time and even ran into Jason & Kim Menefee!

1st trip to the zoo!!!!  Ella had her first zoo experience at the Henry Doorly Zoo and she loved it, especially the aquarium.  We went with Grammy & Grandpa Courter and Aunt Berta & Uncle Reg were able to meet us there.  It was a very special day and we are so grateful that we were able to share it with family!

We were also able to visit with the Morley's (I can't seem to find the pictures) and spent some time with Adam, Jill, Pierson and Kendal.

Met the newest Lamberson....

And had a great time at the lake for the 4th of July with Ella's future husband & in-laws....

Ella also racked up her 6th and 7th states, adding Iowa & Nebraska to her list of travels.  She is an amazing kid who surprises, inspires and blesses us every single day.  We are so blessed and grateful that we were chosen to be her parents.